'Cause he's the antichrist.

I type shit when I drink. So the fuck what. Who are you to fucking judge me. Don't judge me monkey.

We don't need no water, let the waffles in the toaster on the countertop burn. Burn mother-ego's, burn. I have no topics of which I desire to speak about. Yeah, I just tried to think of one. Here's a topic, my air conditioning just turned on. Let's talk about our good ol' fellah A/C. He's a pretty cool guy. Comes over to your house and is all like, "Is it hot as fuck here?". And you're like, astute observation A/C Slater, how would you like to remedy the situation? And he says "I'll make your house cold, but you have to pay a metric butload of money every month for me." And I say, well, that sounds like a pretty good deal, minus the assload of cash. And he says, "Just do it you fucking pussy". So you have A/C cooling your house, but you also have an assload less of money every month. And since I get paid only two assloads a month, it's like he's taking a quarter of my assloads. I'm pretty much done addressing my pay in assloads. Once upon a time, someone told me an assload was 250 dollars, and that he checked. I took his word for it. So if anyone ever offers you an assload of money, and you have to make a decision whether or not whatever you were going to do was worth an assload of money, simply reason it against 250 dollars. Because I'm pretty sure that's how much it is.

Phase 2.

Phase 2 consists of me figuring out what's wrong with the split-tails in our society. If you ever wanted the be all, end all description of what's wrong with them... this is not your camel. And by camel, I mean animal. And by animal I mean, did you ever play drums for the muppet babies. Hey, it happens.

Phase 4.

This phase is about how to skip Phase 3. Mission Complete.

Phase 5.

This is the phase where I lose all motivation to type in this forgotten piece of shit fucking blog. And then post a youtube video.

Fucking success dot com. Over.

Armbargeddon

I don't care how hard this breaks the formatting on my blog. It needs to be here as possibly the coolest thing I've ever seen.

Bikini models doing jits... don't see that every day.

I've gotta get me one of those.

Floor.

2347/109145 times in a persons life, they have a choice. That choice is simple. Tots or mac n'cheese. Now some people thing, "my name is patty mc'fiddlesticks, and that choice is to me like shania is to dominos." Well, that might be all fine and good for you mr mc'fiddlesticks, but for the other cherry coke's in the world, simple needlepoint cannot exacerbate any situation worthy of international mediation. That brings up the point of needlepoint. That's a doublepoint if you follow. Not unlike scoring deuce and the winning point in one swing of the kettlebell. Things just happen you can't explain. And when they do happen, you call Ripleys so they can say "get away from her bitch!" and then win at Aliens. Six decimals to the fourth squared would land you square in the state penetentary. That last one, of that last sentence, my aids are telling me that's not a word. Well come tell me that on the day you can measure words on a triple-beam. That's a giant turtle for none of you that know. Let me hear you say FIRE IT UP.