You touched my tra-la-la.

My ding-ding-dong.

Ahhh, nevermind.

Remember how I used to be a drunk. Well you can axe "used to be" and replace it with "am". Watch as I go to walmart to procure alcohol to drink by myself.

Ahh Walmart, what would I do without you. You sell beer 24 hours a day. If I want olives, I can order olives, if I want pepperoni, I can get pepperoni! Yeah, but you got an 18 fridgepack of miller light. Ahh bite me. Going to walmart. Watch the animated gif until I get back.



...

Walmart and I are fighting. No 18 fridge packs already cold. Now I have to wait for my beer to chill in the fridge. Not to mention play beer Russian Roulette with my freezer. Oh yeah, make sure I don't forget I've got 2 beers in the fridge. Freezer. I meant freezer. I am now listening to Dark Heartz - Ya Get Skeeted On. Let me tell you, a fucking weirder song has never existed. Who sits on the shitter and is like, I'm going to write a rap song called Ya Get Skeeted On. I'm not sure what's going on in the song. They say skeeted on a lot. There's a milkshake, your neighbors dog. I have no idea. I'm totally lost. Shit, I've got to get those beers out of the freezer.

Alright, beer in hand... the next song in the playlist is... the kirby theme. Mmmmk. Skip. Van Halen - Right Now. Now here's a song worth drinking to. Opens very dramatically, and next thing you know it takes off, all Van Halen guitar. Duh nuh nuh nuh nuh. I mean ppiaaaanooo, yeah piano. There's the guitar. WAHHHHhhhhhh. Drums drum drum drum, guitar WAHHHH. PIANOOOOOO. FUCK THIS BEER IS STILL WARM. AHHH Horsehockey ref. This is some shit. I thought it was gonna pop in the freezer like a tart. Notice how I did that one. Pop tart, fool. Yeah, but it's warm. I changed my mind, this song fucking blows. Next. Kraftwerk - Popcorn. Let me tell you, if you ever get a chance to listen to this song, do it. It's like you're in a corn popper, in space, with Bobbay Sapp while he croons you soft love tunes.



Damn he's a big dude. My Miller Light can says, and I quote... "Choicest Hops for Premium Taste." Ok, it has alcohol in it. And it's cheap. But let's not be silly here. The only thing premium about this beer is... shit I dunno, the surgeon general's warning maybe. I submit that japanese people are fucking weird. But I like that. Their TV is hilariously nonsensical, they're the only culture I know of that cartoons are their scariest most fucked up medium. They make pornos where they shit and throw up all over eachother. But at the same time they're the most respectful crowd at the Pride Fight shows over in Japan. Something I'd like to think you have to be pretty HOLY SHIT this song is frying my brain. Japanese singing far too fast. Time to skip tracks. It's like Bubble Bobble on a fucking ridiculous amount of speed.

Oh yeah, this is a blog. You're supposed to write about shit that's happening in your life. Um, not much to interesting. Almost got my arm broken off last week by this guy.



Yeah, he came from California to teach a few Jiu Jitsu classes. I was sparring with him and he put me into an armlock. I tried to escape it, and did. And by "did" I mean, I got my elbow fucking torn apart as he hyperextended it. I got it on video. If I find a place to host it I'll share it with y'all. I'm sure it was fun to watch. Not so much fun to have happen to you. I almost blacked out and ended up throwing up everything in my stomach. It was my first injury from training to fight. Only 3 months of training until my first decent sized injury. Not bad so far. Hang on, I have to pound this beer and rescue the other one from the freezer.

P.S. Speedy Speed Boy just came on my Winamp. This song is currently only bested by Running in the 90's, in my opinion.

Score, this beer is perfectly chilled. Caught it just before it went all icy on my ass. You may be wondering why I'm sitting here documenting my drinking experience telling you random shit I think of. There's a very simple explanation, I have nothing better to do. Hey, I'm not the one fucking reading it. That's your fault. I'm going to go play videogames for a while. To be continued...

...

Alright, the alcohol is starting to edge it's way into my system now. I'm typing faster and with more vigor now. So we're going to discuss things that fucking piss me off.

1. My fucking college.
Or more specifically, the financial aid division. These fucking cock-holsters, let me tell you. A more mentally retarded gaggle of rump-goblins could not have been procured if you planned it on purpose. These fuckers are literally the worst at their jobs of any employees I've ever witnessed. Even the retarded greeter at walmart. That chick fucking wails at her job. Everytime a person comes in she makes them feel insanely uncomfortable as she freefalls through her quasi-reality trying to find the "welcome to walmart" button. And then you're not sure if you're supposed to sit there and wait until she hits it, or fucking 50 yard dash your ass to the produce section to get by her piercing stare. Anyways, focus. These guys totally fucked up my financial situation this year, costing ME money. Because they're too fucking stupid to do things people would see as common sense. I didn't finish my commercial flight course before I went home last semester. That usually means I need more money to complete it this semester. Apparently not, because they decided not to allocate me flight money this semester. I didn't even notice it until I got my loans all figured out, and realized I didn't have enough money to both live and fly. After, I shit you not, a solid MONTH of fucking around with these people, they finally allocated me the money I needed and I had to take out ANOTHER loan to cover it. Not to mention, I applied for this second loan almost a month ago, yeah, and it's still not in. So I'm running out of money once again. And then, comes the deal breaker. I registered for classes for next semester, signing up for my multi-engine rating and ground lab. I got a letter in my box within the next two days that almost had my brain explode into a red abstract art painting onto the walls of the mail room. It said, "We have noticed that you've registered for a flight course next semester, and therefore we've allocated you more money if you need to borrow it."

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? YOU DIDN'T ALLOCATE ME FLIGHT MONEY FOR NEXT SEMESTER?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH. What the fuck did they think I was going to do? Go to 3 and a half years at this godforsaken college and then fucking quit? I HAVE to finish my Multi-engine or else I cannot graduate. Why would you NOT allocate me that money? So now I have to take out ANOTHER fucking loan to cover that next semester. It's insanity, I tell you.

Speaking of Taco Bell. That has to be the worst fast food restaurant on the planet. I think I've eaten there probably once in my entire life. Enough times for me to know I never want to eat there again. Just had to get that off my chest. Like a shower after a Cleveland steamer.

I love beer. Beer beer beer. Without it, well, you wouldn't have to endure this fucking blog marathon. And I wouldn't have anything to do tonight. I think this is like 3 weeks of blogging all built up with no where to go. And then it all comes out tonight like, ewwhh, that's gross. No, don't' go, I'll find something to spice it up. How about a picture? You guys love pictures... alright. I'll find you a funny or disturbing picture. Ok, how about this...



OH JESUS GOD, AHHH. Sometimes I outdo myself. Jesus H. Christ on a stick. The androgyny of that picture sears my fucking brain.

Holy shit, that took all the fun out of the internet for at least 5 minutes. I'm gonna let you ponder that one while I go play video games. I'll end this post because you should really feed your grandmother or visit your dog. Stop wasting your life. The more you know 'n shit. Nikka.

Focker out.