Top Ten Tips for High Threat Travel

One of the features on Airsafe.com is a top 10 list explaining helpful tips to increase our collective air transport system's security as well as your own.

Click here if you'd like to read the Airsafe.com article.

Or continue reading here if you want the no-horseshit version.

1. Be Aware of Your Surroundings
The next time you are in an airport or on an aircraft, take notice of your surroundings, especially of activities or situations that do not appear to be normal.

I don't know about you, but I've seen a lot of stupid bullshit that people do at the airport. Was it normal when I saw a ~300 pound man lying in a pool of his own vomit behind a row of waiting room seats? Was it normal when I saw a man try to take a wheelchair on a moving walkway, only to have it instantly upended and consequently having a crippled guy being dragged down a walkway on his head with a wheelchair crushing him? Is it normal to see people flip out at ticket counter representatives and make threats that would get most people on CNN for trying to sabotage a flight? Sure. So what is normal at an airport? Because I'm not sure I've ever seen it. So the next time you are in an airport or on an aircraft, notice a lot of stupid bullshit happening and turn back on your mp3 player and don't care. And if the flight attendant tries to make you take it off, wait until they have to go buckle their seatbelts for takeoff, and then just put it back on.

2. Report Unusual Activity
If you see anything in the airport or on an aircraft that looks out of place or otherwise inappropriate such as unusual behavior or potential security violations, inform either a law enforcement representative or someone in authority.

This goes back to the entire "what is normal" situation. I don't know how many of your everyday travelers are experts in human behavior, or can point out when someone is walking differently trying to conceal something. Let's be honest, a lot of your everyday travelers are business people who absolutely couldn't give less of a fuck about what everyone else is doing, and people going on vacation who, while slightly less, still don't really give a fuck what everyone else is doing. So after you remove those two pieces of our total passenger makeup, you end up with the people who really don't want to go where they're going. I don't know who they are, but most likely the assholes who point out things like the emergency exit light being burnt out so you have to go all the way back to the gate after you're already 30 minutes behind your departure time. Thanks a lot, ass.

3. Make No Assumptions About the Who May Pose a Threat
If someone is intent on perpetrating violent acts against the air transport system, that person can be of any age, gender, or nationality. You should not assume that any particular type of person is likely to do harm simply because of outward appearances.

Ok, this is the biggest horseshit of all the horseshits in this list. Let me sketch up a quick fucking diagram for you people.

The fine folks at our government actually expect us to believe that they believe this diagram represents their thoughts behind identifying terrorists. That every single one of those people have an equal chance of being a terrorist. Does this mean the government lies!? Does the pope shit in the woods?

4. Stay Away from Suspicious Circumstances
If you encounter a potential hazard in the airport, move away from the situation before contacting someone in authority. If necessary, warn others in the vicinity. Examples of potential hazards include unaccompanied packages, suspicious behavior, or an unusual commotion.

You can basically file this one under, "Thanks for the useless heads up." I can't imagine people doing anything but what is described in this super friendly "tip".


If you came upon the above situation, would your first reaction be to run up and ask the guy what's going on? Or would you probably stay the fuck away. Notice the lack of question mark in the last sentence. It's because it wasn't a question. Not to mention, if I had a nickel every time I came upon a piece of luggage that was left by itself while its owner went to get a grade double frappuccino marauci super-fudge or whatever, I'd have a shitload of nickels.

5. Keep Your Seat Belt Fastened While You are Seated
Keeping the belt on when you are seated provides that extra protection you might need if the plane hits unexpected turbulence of if the aircraft is put through unusual maneuvers.

You should probably wear a seatbelt. No shit?