I Gotta Stay Fly

I'm not quite sure what that means. I heard it in a rap song. I guess I wasn't lying in my last post about how I wouldn't write shit while I was up here in the great white north. I hope none of you people actually expected me to write anything. The only thing getting a workout the last 3 weeks has been my liver. I say to myself, and I quote Bad Santa, "It's not my fault you're floating your liver 'cause you can't stand what a piece of shit you are." I take that back, not so much a quote as a paraphrase of that classic line. Basically classic in my own head. Even after all this time folks, I'm not going to sit here and lie about it, I've basically got nothing. Let's be serious, I've seen paraplegic waiters bring more to the table.

Yes, for the inquisitive, I've been drinking again. Nothing like drinking in front of your mother. And there's nothing quite like drinking good beer for free. I've had seven Bass so far and my bar tab is $Mom. That means nothing. My batshit insane cat is screeching around the floor. That thing is hardcore messed up. I'm sure that thing is more burnt out than anyone who ever emerged from the 60's alive. I'm sure even our blogfriendly companion Charles Barkley and his crazy underarm deoderant commercials couldn't compare to what this cat goes through on a daily basis.

This break has been like something out of the goddamn twilight zone. Did you ever see that twilight zone where they cut off that guys tounge, and they put it in a jar and it just keeps on pulsating and giving birth to baby tounges? Me neither. But I bet if I had, my Christmas break would be kind of like that. Except I have my tounge, and I've never given birth to anything. Except a few early morning Cosby's. That guy knows what I'm talking about. Whatsup, I got this Glock. Chk. Chk. Fuck shit cock balls. I just had to get that out. I haven't sworn in quite a while. You know these crazy dinner parties, all courtious and no swearing. Everyone being polite. Fuck that shit, imo. That's my new motto. Actually, I'm not really sure I want to lock myself into a single motto. But if I had to, it would be "Fuck that shit." Because I say it in my head a lot. For example, I wake up in the morning, I can either take a shower or sleep another 10 minutes. My brain says, "Shower" and I say "Fuck that shit." I can see where that would backfire though if I was on a farm or something. I come out to shovel all the crap the cows drop out their hind ends, and my brain goes "Fuck that shit." Probably end up with some messy pants.

And the line is back in fucking Packistan, because I crossed it.

UFC is on at 11, and I need another beer. And you need to get your life together. I'm not gonna stop you. I hope you have an amazing day and happy new year.

On second thought.

Fuck that shit.