You'll never catch Mr. Jones

I seriously have nothing to add to this blog. I'm seriously doubting why I'm even in the dashboard right now. No good can come of this. Like that one time when Hitler was like, hey what about those jews, I'm pretty sure I don't like them. Ok, I'm just gonna go ahead and say, that's pretty bad. I mean, what did the jews ever do to him. Aaaand here comes some jewish group getting ready to come beat down my door because they're jesus hookers. Yeah that didn't make any sense either. I really shouldn't publish this. But you know, sometimes you just have to because shit happens. That's not much of an excuse. Hell I really hope no one that counts reads this. Because when you drink Jaeger and listen to Mike Jones, nothing you say should really count towards your official record. Thank the small infant breast-feeding christ child that no one I work with reads this. Somewhere between me talking about Jesus killing jews or something and me jumping homeless people with my skateboard whilst drinking would probably put a pretty quick end to my career. But isn't that what life's all about? Drinking heavily and playing paperboy? Seriously what the fuck was up with the people who invented paperboy. Why is every single fucking person that owns a car pulling out right when I go by on my bike. I'm all like "here's your paper, p.s. I'll try not to throw it through your window, and p.p.s. if I get it in your mailbox I get extra points, imo" and they're like "I"m pretty sure I just want to hit you with my car, or get in a fight with my neighbor and if either of us hit you you lose a life". That shit is fucking ridiculous, and then I get done my paper route. That's pretty sweet. You're thinking, thank god I'm finally done with throwing all those godforsaken papers. But then you get done and SOMEONE BUILT A FUCKING OBSTACLE COURSE IN YOUR WAY. So I'm all dodging shit and jumping ramps to get over rivers. WHO BUILT THIS SHIT. I'M JUST TRYING TO GET PAPERS TO PEOPLE WHO NEED THEM! WHY ARE YOU BUILDING RAMPS AND SHIT. But for some reason it exists, so I do what I can. Who wouldn't do what they can? Exactly. But even if I die and crash into some utter bullshit form of carnival 18 speed bullshit I get another life. But in between me getting another life apparently fucking everyone canceled their paper subscriptions. As if to say "fuck that, the paperboy died, like I'm ever getting that paper again!" Fuck that shit, I FUCKING DIED TO GET YOU A PAPER, HAVE SOME FUCKING RESPECT. I ran around dogs and pulling out cars and shit. What do you want from me? People are so fucking demanding. I'm counting a shitload of F-bombs in this literature. Maybe all of you should just appreciate your paperboys more.

Peace up, a-town down.