Always spinnin' somethin' somethin' spinnin'

The amount of apostrophes in the title is excessive. This I know. I'm building a small leaning tower of Piza of beer cans. I'm pretty sure if the department of social services had jurisdiction over my liver they would have taken it away a long time ago. I'm pretty sure I've taken alcohol abuse to a new level over the past few days. Eh, shit happens. It's like a sweet crutch that is there to be awesome whenever I need it. And a shitload of different stores sell this awesome crutch. Anyways, how about a positive post for one time in this blogs life. Yeah, you say, I'm sure this'll be about as positive as spiked fisticuffs into the head of a small child slash cute animal. Hey, I didn't say it, you did. You, that's what you sound like. Related: the Patriots play the Colts tomorrow. Where will I go?... will I bet on the game?... Did Jesus really make wine for all those people?... Is he for hire?... Is he fucking with me?... Don't play Jesus?... I mean that for serious, yo?... Don't play?... This format is completely unacceptable for this?... I can't stop the question mark dot dot dot?... But did he seriously do that?... I mean?... Seriously?... Because?... If I had some water?... And made wine?... Well, wine kind of blows. So, no. SHIT. I forgot to do the dot dot dot thing. Reguardless, I don't need to need you. Tell me what to do, tell me what to say. Don't you want to help me? Tell me what to do, help me find a way? That's from a song. I'm not sure of the name of the song, and you can figure out which portions previously topen was the song. Also, typed will now be replaced by topen. I think the past tense of type should be topen. i.e. "Oh shit, I got in this huge legal battle over touching some dogs ear at the circus-fair. The judge ordered me to issue an apology. I couldn't believe it was something easily topen, but it ended up to be fairly comparable to a whispy in a cup." I don't need to elaborate, you could easily see why that should be changed. I should send an email to that fatty Webster or that chick OED. I think she runs most shit related to wordification. I'm not sure how often I've presented this fact here, but I live in Las Vegas. That's Las Vegas Nevada. I'm pretty sure there is a Las Vegas, Arizona. Which semi-blows my mind. Thinking on how something could only semi-blow your mind blows the remaining portion like a 2 dollar double-double. For the uninitiated, a double-double includes a lot of alcohol at most drinking institutions. Also, I think it means something in basketball. God, what a horrifically stupid sport. Forgetting that, it his drinking connotations. <--- that was a fucking incredible spelling recently topen. That's a word that does exist, and is hard. Regardless, I promise to not hit enter once during this thing. Let me tell you a secret. I have to go to gorramn Philadelphia for Thanksgiving. But not on the Thanksgiving day, the day after. To go to a wedding for some split-tail that I've never met in my entire life. And by "entire life" I mean "Probably once when I was six and shitfaced" minus the shitfaced. But anytime you say something you don't really remember just tag on "p.s. I was shitfaced" and it makes it easier to not remember half the story. Just be all like "oh man, and then I was locked in a room with these three dudes, one had a gun, the other had a blackjack, and the third was wearing some sort of clown costume that he probably ripped off a gas station attendant at a birthday party. Right as the guy was about to snagglesmack me with the ginormous blackjack, then I totally... oh wait, you know dude, I was so hammerfaced, I have no idea what happened. Sorry I just wasted ten minutes of your life." So back to the issue at hand, last time I saw this person, I was maybe old enough to realize that Sesame Street was trying to melt my brain with a counting ray. Needless to say, I have no idea who she's marrying, and honestly don't care. Now, I say "Don't care" with a slightly high level of error. Simply due to the fact that "open bar" and the possibility of "six Schlitz's please" with a side of "FARVA'S NUMBER ONE!" could greatly sway that level of caring. You know those candle lighters, the ones that are on hinges. They're created to make it so you don't burn yourself while lighting candles. I have a permanent scar on my left arm due to one of those burning the fuck out of me. I was so shitfaced I don't remember how it happened, maaaaan. (See how that works?) You can use that shit. God, I've gotta arc one decently bad. On a scale of one to arc one, I'd say I've gotta arc one. Back in a flash. Still refuse to use enter button. Not even for leakage time lapse. Seriously going to arc it. Ready?... Gonna do it?... I'm gonna?... Righto?... Two times back again, this is really starting to grow old. Aight, doneski getting my passport stamped to the urine-nation. There's something I've been meaning to tell the tubes for some time, and that's about my 3/4 sociopathic asian neighbor who's lot in life, seems to be anyways, playing darts in his garage. What does he do for work? What does he do for money? Last time I checked, well, and it's been ages since I have, but I don't think anyone pays people to drink and play darts in their garage with the door up so people wonder "what the fuck does he get paid for, he just plays darts?" Being that' I'm 87.5% sure they don't pay people in any fashion to play darts and drink beer for no reason, because I would've cornered the shit out of that market years ago and put baby in a corner so hard that she wouldn't know what hit her, also getting paid for darts and beer, go back and read the beginning of the sentence so you can catch up to where I'm gonna throw you back into the narrative, don't worry, I'll wait... I've come to the conclusion he's in the witness protection program. And getting caught up in a mafia hit firefight has crossed my mind a few times. I'm not too worried though, because odds are he was in the mafia for something math related. I say that because I think I saw him with a calculator once, not because he's Asian. But that probably helped. He was probably just computing his darts score though, which should be no problem for him... um, cause he had a calculator (Not due to Asianess). <--- that needs to be a word too. I say that because if some dudes busted in to shoot him, I highly doubt he'd shoot back. Going from Asian neighbors straight out to shit that fell on my truck. A tree fell on my truck the other day. One might think, "dear jesus waterwine catastrophe, tree on truck, my jizzle that's sizzle!" and I'd say, what's wrong with your brainpan. But it's the truth, the pride and joy of Las Vegas trees fell on the back of my truck. And my truck said, what was that? did the wind just blow? Because the pride and joy of vegas trees is something a new england tree wouldn't shit out before breakfast. Because it'd wait until there was something of substance to move through whatever trees do for waste. I came outside of my dwelling to go to wally world to find this sad excuse for a shitty tree laying on the bed of my truck. With my smallest fingernail I picked it up and javelin'ed it through my neighbors house. Likely he thought it was a mob hit and never came out. But seriously, he's got to get his asianshit together and fix his trees. This brings the discussion to my other Asian neighbors. I think I'm the only white person here by the way. Help help I'm being repressed. They have an asinine amount of satellite receivers in their garage. I don't know if they're some sort of superhero group that repairs people's satellite TV, or if they steal them from neighborhood homes and sell them back. This is a fairly big worry for me, because one time I thought I wanted satellite TV. But then I was thinking, crazy Azns nextdoor might take my precious. Precious TV go bye bye. And then I thought, OH HELL NO BITCHES. And I didn't get the TV service. A more likely scenario is that I didn't want to pay the satellite deposit to my realty company. But who are you gonna belive? Me, or them?... Yeah right son?... Not a single child came to my house for Halloween, so I have a RETARDED amount of candy left over. I thought for some reason children would come, and I would make their night rule with my robust amount of candy. And also scar them with comments. But besides that, none came. It was the horseshit of all horseshits. Bonus plus, I have a shitload of Snickers mini's. Bonus minus, I have a shitload of Snickers mini's. Well, not mini's, funsize. YES THAT'S ACTUALLY TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. Shit, you figure it out. And back to oldschool college days, I'll throw in a picture at the end. Like you even goddamn deserve it. You flippin' slacker.

Was it good for you? It was good for me.

FUCK, GOD DAMMIT ENTER BUTTON. Well, I lie a lot. Get used to it. LEARN SHIT LIKE THAT, BECAUSE: